So I'm laying in bed feeling really sad, disappointed, ashamed, let down and mad.
Details aren't necessary so I'll just say someone (2 someone's actually) close to me and my daughters let Ellie down today. In a big way.
I posted a vague Facebook status about being upset. (Which I rarely post anything negative, I was/am REALLY upset.) Someone commented "smile". I don't know if it was a suggestion, or an offering, or what but I was reminded that I can actively change my feelings about things.
It's not often that I even feel a reason to do this but I have this tattoo of 3 stars on my ankle. The symbolism is to think of 3 good things about a day or a situation or a person or whatever when you're feeling upset about something.
This act of trying to think of positives, or lights in the dark improves my mood about something.
So my 3 stars today:
Had a meeting with my manager at work and he was raving about me and asked me to help coach a coworker of mine, so I'll be doing some work with her next week, which I'm excited about. Also I ended the week having met one main goal and having improved significantly on another main goal.
I got to see my mom and dad and my mom was proud of me for my recent milk donation, and we got to talk a bit about that. My mom is very supportive of my breastfeeding and milksharing and nip.
I got new plants to plant in my deck rail planter boxes. The planter boxes have brought me disappointment in myself whenever I think of them. Hubby bought them for me year before last and bought enough flowers to fill them with plants and they died because I never transplanted them to new soil and neglected them. (Party because they weren't right for the sun level and not hearty) Hubby has given me a (playfully teasing) hard time about them for 2 years and I have given myself an even harder time about them. I want to be a good home keeper and have a nice deck. Well today I spent too much money but got enough little plants to fill up my planters and look forward to a nice pretty plant lined deck.